By noon or one...by 1:37 exactly!!

I'm a little bit ocd and a lot-a-bit a perfectionist. Everyone has their own weird little quirks but last night, while making my dinner, I realized I might have more than most. Just while making a simple scrambled egg sandwich I found 8 things that I have to do.
1- the eggs have to be completely cooked. I don't like them runny at all.
2- no white parts in the egg. I like my eggs completely mixed together so I don't have to eat just the white parts.
3- I'm afraid of the crumbs in the butter. I can't put butter with even a couple crumbs in it on my toast, it freaks me out.
4- my bread/toast cannot touch the counter. Even if I just washed it. Has to be on a plate!
5- I like my egg sandwiches cut down the middle but every other sandwich I like diagonally.
6- I only drink milk with egg sandwiches. Anything else would be weird.
7-I can't reuse my glass. It can be refilled with milk but even if I rinse it out I don't think I could drink anything else out of it. If the glass had water in it and then later I needed another drink I would have to rinse it out twice. Once is not good enough. (Jake learned this one pretty quick and now is so sweet to always rinse my glass twice.)
8- I have to look at and carefully inspect the food before it goes into my mouth. No surprises. I actually realized this one more tonight while watching Jake eat rocky road ice cream. He just scoops and eats while being completely focused on the TV. I could never do that. When I pointed out to him that this seemed crazy to me, not knowing what goes into his mouth, he responded with "and need I remind you about the crumbs?" Yes, I fear crumbs, ok!

8 'weird' things that associate with one meal. Sad really. I could probably go on for days about all my little quirks but just for fun I'll list a few more that I have.

- my hangers have to be ALL white. No wire. No color. No wood. White.
-my clothes are in color order in my closet. (I'm learning to be ok when Jake puts them in the wrong spot. I'm just thankful my husband does laundry. I really can't complain.)
- my slippers might as well be my security blankets. You know when you were a kid and used to play "hot lava" by standing on the furniture and pillows and not touching the actual floor? Well kitchen tile might as well be "hot lava" because I refuse to walk on it without slippers, or at least socks. (Jake thinks its funny to leave me stranded in a room by stealing my slippers.)
- I don't push carts. Unless I have to. But I Hate pushing carts. They are gross for one but mostly I hate pushing them because its like driving a car on roads with no rules and other people can hear you if you yell at them for pulling out in front of you. I hate driving because of stupid people and I hate pushing carts even more because of stupid people.

What are these, caffine pills?

I couldn't sleep last night
My ears were ringing in my head
Best friends with the boogey man I may be better off here dead
I'm running on empty once again
Too tired for tears I dread
Sink deep into those magic dreams
While I blast off in my bed

And you know I've played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know 'cause everyone says that I'm not the same
Since I changed my name

Three hours later and I'm staring at the ceiling still
Xanax does nothing more than calm the sleeping thrill
Turning the pillows round and round to find the cold spot for my head
Ah, bless my only friend

And you know I've played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know 'cause everyone says that I'm not the same
And everyone turns tricks for fickle fame I feel my body's lost control
My knees get weak as I drift away
And it gets darker, darker
Dreaming's where I am

MIDNIGHT!

There's just no time anymore. No time for:
*blogging
*reading
*sleeping
*cleaning
*playing
and about a billion other things I want to do.
Ah, the joys of being a mom who works two jobs.

Yeah, I've got a little stress, but who doesn't? Being a mom isn't the easiest job in the world, but its also not the hardest. I LOVE being a mom. Love every single second of it. If I could pick one thing to do for the rest of my life it would be to be a mom. But being a mom comes with a lot of other responsibilities. Kids are expensive, for one. So as much as I hate it, I gotta work. Don't get me wrong, I love my jobs (one more than the other) but its hard to be away from my little buddy and its not very easy trying to take care of him at one of my jobs.
Lately, all of you Facebook -ers have probably noticed me being a little down. So let me open a little window as to why. And once again, I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. Just venting.
I'm a perfectionist. And although probably don't need to say anymore, let me elaborate. I like lists. I like schedules. I love plans and planning and I love it even more when things go to plan (who doesn't?). I like 8 hours of sleep and 3 square meals a day.
Now take all the things I love...and flush them down the toilet. I went from having a pretty good routine and being able to plan everyday in advance and the comfort and freedom of knowing how to do my job to two completely new jobs where I know very little. Once again I'm at the bottom of the totempole (how do you spell that?) at both of my new jobs and then lets throw a brand new baby into the mix. I have 2 days off. The one where Jake and I run all our errands and catch up on life and Sunday, where I catch up on sleep.
The moral of this story? Please don't worry if I seem a little "off". This new life is just taking some getting used to and eventually I'll be OK. But for now just know that I need to vent every once and awhile. (And as much as I wish it were all Just hormones and the doctor could just give me a pill and make it all better, its much, much more than that.) But I'm working on it and I know that I will eventually be OK with it all. But for now its OK to lose it a little every now and then.