Indecisive

I want to blog.
I just can't decide what to blog about.
Here are some topic's that have been on my mind recently:

*Missing my Teenage Years
*Family History
*Loving People No Matter What
*Honesty

And then of course there are all the things I would like to blog about on my family blog. I just don't seem to have the energy lately. A few times this week I have had the time to blog and I start but then just get tired of thinking and I don't finish. I guess we will see how far I get today. I think I will go backwards of that list.

Honesty.

This is the conversation Jake and I were having in the car on the way home from dinner today. I really think that the world wouldn't have half as many problems if people could just be honest. So much dishonesty in our Government. And it doesn't even have to go that far to cause problems. For example, all of us at work (doctor's office) are annoyed with Medicaid and forms of Medicaid insurance. That's nice that there is an option for those without insurance or means of paying for insurance. I just wish that people would be honest about it. Don't think I am judging people, I know we all have our trials. However, I have seen some of the houses that some people who have Medicaid are living in. Triple the size of mine, pool in the backyard, beautiful neighborhood and vehicles to go with it. Please explain to me how they can't afford insurance yet can afford all of those beautiful things. I see this a lot working in a doctor's office and it is just hard to not be angry that these people are getting free insurance and I am forking over hundreds of dollars a month for my family to be insured. Not to mention the co-pays and parts of bills that my insurance won't cover. I just don't see how they could possibly be being honest about their income when they have all of those luxuries. I just wish that people would be honest when it comes to needing help. Same goes for people on the street corners. I wish I could give money to the people holding signs but I just don't know if they really are in need. Who's to say they aren't better off than I am? And maybe I should just be a giving person and leave it up to the Lord as to whether or not they are being honest but it is so hard.

Next topic:

Loving People No Matter What

Why do we have to hate those that aren't exactly like us and have our same opinions? When it comes to the controversy of Homosexuality I have my own opinions. I can't honestly say I am for or against it. Personally, I am attracted to the opposite sex and believe that is how it is supposed to be. However, it is not my place to judge. We are all here to learn and be tested. In the next life we will find out what the real answer is. But for now my personal rule is to let people think what they want and be what they want. If there are consequences to anyone's actions, of any kind, then those are their consequences, not mine. I honestly think that unless you are hurting someone else then you are entitled to do whatever you want, legally. Morally is different but that is more between you and God and I cannot judge that. I mean think about it. Things that should be illegal are things that affect others. Killing. Stealing. Assaulting. Speeding. Things like that. And going along with the Honesty subject, if people honestly think they love someone of the same sex who am I to say they can't? I understand it goes deeper than that when it comes to marriage such as healthcare and other benefits that come with marriage but if they get married for love and not just to benefit from those things then I don't see why it is a problem. As long as they aren't abusing the system. Another thing is I think a lot of people like to rebel. Doing things just because they know someone else won't like it. But we are all different. There will always be someone that doesn't like or agree with something you do.

Along with this I want to add religion. Being Mormon I hear a lot of negativity about my beliefs. I have been watching that show, Breaking Amish, and there is a lot of negativity there as well. I just don't understand how there is so much hate that goes with religion. Let people decide for themselves what they believe. Consequences come in the next life for that. Be honest about what you believe and who you are and let others be. Share what you know and if they disagree don't hate them or try to force it upon them. The only religions I have a problem with are the ones that hurt others. Sacrifices and such. I realize that has to do with ancient rituals or what not but I really don't think that any religion should say to kill another person not willing to die for that religion.
Another thing I want to add...I have my beliefs and you may not have the same ones, but don't assume that I dislike you for that reason. If I honestly have a problem with you it is because you have hurt me or I know you are being dishonest with me and yourself. I'm not one to judge unless I know you are doing something for the wrong reasons. I don't smoke, drink alcohol, or coffee, and a number of other things that some people find acceptable. However, if you do those things I won't judge you because of it. But if I know your beliefs and have heard your opinions and then you try and tell me otherwise I am not going to believe you. And be disappointed that you are fooling yourself. But I will still love you.

Moving on.

Family History

This is a more lighthearted subject. I have always loved hearing about my own family history and helping my mom with genealogy. I wish I knew more about it and could pursue it more. I love that new show "Who Do You Think You Are". About celebrities that get to find out the history in their families. Seeing old documents, visiting historical sites, seeing old pictures. That kind of stuff has always interested me. Maybe because of my family history and all the stories and information we have from the Kimball line. Fascinating. While watching that show I saw someone had the title of "Genealogist" and I thought that would be an awesome job. I was telling Jake that I don't really like History but I like getting to know the people in history. Their personal stories and pictures and artifacts are what interest me. I would love to have a butt-load of money and go to Ireland and other places to see where my family lived and imagine what life might have been like for them. I hope that after we die we will be able to see the past. Sit down with some popcorn and watch your ancestors lives. See the sacrifices they went through in their life that lead to you being where and who you are.

And last but not least (wow, I've almost finished everything I wanted to blog about...)

Missing My Teenage Years

I may not miss all of the experiences but I will say years 17 and 18 were some of the best for me. I had recently discovered my love of music and I'd like to say that was mostly what I thought about. Which music to listen to and which time, what concerts to go to, what my favorite band members were doing, what new music was coming out, etc. I guess after I got married and had kids the music part of my life died down. Yes, a lot of that is because I wouldn't approve of my children listening to some of it *holds head in shame* and also because Jake and I have different taste in music. AND the fact that I don't get to see my friends who listen to the same music as I do as much. Music played such a big part in my teenage life and now when I hear certain songs I have memories of things that happened during those years and I miss it. I remember the feelings I had at the time. Mostly freedom and newness. Doing adult things for the first time. Moving out, dating, driving, working, etc. Music controls so many of my emotions. A certain song can cause me to be happy, sad, anxious, excited, or angry. Mostly because of what happened in my life when that music was part of it. Which is why I miss my teenage years so much right now. As many of you know, my all time favorite band is Fall Out Boy and close second is Panic! At the Disco. Well, I just missed FOB's concert and Panic! is coming next month and I will miss that one as well. I used to be such an avid concert goer. It makes growing up feel so hard and depressing. Don't have the money and free time to spend on things like concerts.
Besides music I miss my friends. A lot of them I haven't seen in years and probably won't see for a very long time, if ever again. We all grow up and move on and even when we do see each other later in life it isn't the same. It feels awkward because we have changed over time. Maybe, along with seeing our ancestor's lives, we will be able to relive moments of ours. Not to change things, but just to have those feelings again. Be able to feel the excitement of firsts and the feeling of achievement when we accomplished something. One can only hope. And wait and see.

The Eternal Fish

Angelfish? Maybe. We aren't sure yet what exactly this fish's deal is. First, a little background... We bought a fish tank about a year ago. Got a few fish and had fun watching them until they died every few months. We can't keep plants alive. Whatever made us think we could keep fish alive I'm still not sure. Anyway, the fish came and went until finally we decided to stop buying more fish. We agreed that when they all died we would take the fish tank down and try again in ten years or so. One by one they died off until finally there was only one fish left. A bright yellow fish that I don't remember the name of. A few weeks after all the other fish had died it started swimming funny, just like the other fish did days before they were belly up. It was swimming in circles, hovering at the bottom, and struggling to make it to the top of the tank to eat. A couple weeks of this went by. Every night, when we fed it, we would talk about how it wasn't going to make it another day. And then every morning there it would be, swimming around like it was just fine. It blew our minds. And then it got worse. Not moving much at all and seeming like it was just holding on by a thread. I think it was like that for a week or two...and then out of nowhere it snapped out of it. Completely normal again. We decided it must have just been sick. (Do fish get sick?) And now for the past (going on) two months things have just been weird. It will be lying on it's side, on the bottom, not moving at all. We tap on the glass, nothing. We prepare ourselves for cleaning out the tank later that day and then we turn around and there it is, swimming around. Was it asleep? Because I thought fish didn't sleep. THIS FISH HAS NINE FREAKING LIVES! I don't know if it is a "catfish" (haha) or what but it seems to have 9 lives. I don't know how many times we are 99.9% sure it is dead and then suddenly it's not. The thing won't die. I'm not sure what it's holding on for but it is starting to freak us out. Part of me wants to get a teeny tiny bee-bee gun and put it out of it's misery. Jake has threatened to flush it numerous times but I just know that not "all drains lead to the ocean." A friend of mine owns a turtle...turtles eat fish. She has offered to take it off our hands but I just can't do that either. And so we wait. We watch and we wait and maybe someday it will die. Maybe. And when that day comes I think we will be forced to have a small funeral out of respect for it's many lives. (And maybe we should get an autopsy done, either to figure out what it's deal is or just to make sure it is actually dead.)

JSH

Today, in Sunday School we talked about Joseph Smith, reading Joseph Smith History 1:1-26. I love Joseph Smith History and Doctrine and Covenants. I love learning about the history of the church. It is such a testimony builder for me. And it just makes me shake my head when I think about the people who say Joseph Smith was a phony or something. When I read the Book of Mormon and think about how Joseph Smith translated it and that some people can say he made it up it just blows my mind. I don't think anyone who has really read the Book of Mormon can honestly say that it isn't true and that Joseph Smith even made up one word.
When we talked about the first vision today and how people didn't believe him when he told about his experience it just made me think. How could someone believe in Noah, Moses, and other prophets of old and then say that it wasn't possible for Joseph Smith to receive a vision. Where, in the Bible or any other place, does it say that God will no longer permit for people to have visions? Sure, Noah saw him and was told what he must do but Joseph Smith? Why wouldn't he have been able to be visited by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ?
We talked about "coincidence's" and how they weren't really coincidence at all. Joseph Smith's family moving to New York for one. I didn't know that they lived in Vermont and then there was a volcano causing ash to spread and crops to die making it so that Joseph Smith Sen. had to move to New York and his family later followed. They moved to New York not knowing they were only 3 miles from where the plates were buried. God knows what he is doing. There is a plan for everything.
It is amazing. Heavenly Father knows what is going on, knows what will happen, knows what we need and where we need to be and when. We just need to remember to trust him. Sure, that means not knowing a lot of the time and having to have faith that things will work out. That can sometimes be the hardest thing we can do; trust in the Lord. And maybe that is the biggest lesson we are here to learn. We are tested all the time but that is the biggest test, I think. He tests us in order to see how we react. Do we ask him for help? Do we put all our faith and trust in him? That's the real test. It's simple, just trust the Lord and ask for help, but that does not mean it is easy. It is never easy. But whoever said it would be?
When Joseph Smith was in the sacred grove and Satan came upon him that must have been the most horrible thing Joseph could have experienced. He could have just given up, surrendered to Satan and let the evil take over. But instead he prayed. And knowing how I am when I am in the middle of something scary, he probably prayed harder than he ever had before. I think that not only shows that yes, Satan knew what he was doing and was trying to stop him, but also that Heavenly Father was testing him. Would he cry out for help in that situation? And that's what we need to do. Maybe instead of saying, "why? Why would the Lord test me like this?" we need to say, "I trust you, Lord, I trust you to help me through this." It isn't fun and it won't be easy but with his help we can make it through anything.
"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it."

Sweet California

If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

I thought this was a good blog to do today because lately all I do is complain about the weather. I am so sick of the snow and even more sick of the cold. I'm tired of waiting for my car to defrost in the morning. I'm tired of having to bundle up just to get the mail. I love Utah, I really do but this is a very bad winter. Sadly, I like the winter's where it snows once or twice and then it turns to spring. I know, that isn't good because then we have a drought in the summer but I am so sick of snow.
My birthday wish is for all the snow in my yard to be melted before my birthday. I need warmth. Which brings me to where I would live if I could live anywhere.
When asked this question in the past I have had the same answer, and still do.

Carmel, California

I swear it is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever been to. Grated, the houses I admire there are priced in the millions, but they are gorgeous. Right on the rocky coast, surrounded by tall tree's and flowering foliage. Breath taking. And no snow.
Also, it is only about 30 min from my favorite vacation destination, Santa Cruz, California. When I was younger my family took a few vacation's there. Some of the best memories and most fun times I had. Santa Cruz beach boardwalk is all you need in a vacation. Shopping, food, arcades, rides and rollercoasters, the beach, the pier, ice cream, our hotel - right across the street from all of that, the pool. Heaven.
So, I figure living just half an hour away from the touristy city would be nice. More secluded. And the drive is amazing. The road takes you right along the shore line which is covered in rocks and trees. We have driven it at sunset and it is gorgeous.
And the best part of living in California, besides the ocean and beach....NO SNOW!! No freezing temperatures. No scraping ice off your windows. No wearing 10 layers of clothing. No sitting on the couch, next to the heater all day because you are too cold to move. No shoveling sidewalks. No slipping on ice.
It has been a very long time since I've been to California, over 2 years! That is just crazy for me, I used to go at least once a year. I guess that's what happens when you grow up and stop going on family vacations with your parents. Finding time and finding money is a lot harder now. I wish we could go this year but I am due to have a baby in June so I don't know how much vacationing we will be able to do.
Cheers to California and warm weather, may it soon be upon us here in Utah.

Empire Records: Open til midnight.

Phone etiquette. Why do most people not have any? When it comes to this subject, I have a LOT of pet peevesg. Most of them are pretty recent, because of my job. I'm a receptionist. I talk on the phone all day. But I'll list those in a minute. The true inspiration for this post is because someone called me at 7:30 this morning. It's my day off. I know they couldn't possibly know that, but that us beside the point. The point is, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND CALLS SOMEONE THEY DON'T KNOW BEFORE 10:00????!!!??!?!? 10:00 is my rule. I don't make phone calls before then unless I absolutely have to. I think 9:00 is still a little early when it comes to guessing whether or not a person is awake. 8:00 is probably the average time that people are awake. Gotta get to work and get the kids off to school. But it is still too early. Especially because if they don't have to do those things, or you don't know if they do or not, they are more than likely still asleep. AND ANY TIME BEFORE 8:00 IS OFF LIMITS. If you aren't sure of their schedule chances are you are going to wake them up. And unless that is your point, my guess is, They won't be happy about it. Now, surprisingly, the above mentioned is not actually my biggest pet peeve. After being woken up this morning and not being able to go back to sleep, I thought about what my biggest phone pet peeve actually is. It all began when caller-ID came out. People would miss a call, check the caller-ID, see a number they didn't recognize, and call it back. Usually, starting with the not-so-nice response of, "I missed a call from this number, who is this?" Whoa there, buddy. Receive one too many prank calls? My thinking is, if they didn't leave message, either they dialed the wrong number or it wasn't important enough for them to need you to call them back. Does curiosity just get the best of these people? They just can't stand not knowing a number on their phone? And if that's the case, learn to answer it when someone calls. See, it doesn't bother me, not knowing a number on my caller-ID. I mean yeah, I'm curious, but I would much rather deal with the curiosity then talk to someone I really didn't want to. So, back to this morning. Yesterday, Sunday, I was looking for a sub to teach my primary class. I called 3 different people whim I have never met. Two of them didn't answer. (I called after 10, by the way.) I didn't leave a message. It wasn't important for them to call me back. So then 7:24 this morning my phone rings. I look at the number, don't recognize it, and ignore the call. If they really wanted to talk to me they would leave a message. They didn't. That's when I realized it was someone I had called yesterday. Really? You couldn't answer your phone when I needed you to, or call me back anytime yesterday. No, you wait til the rude hours if the morning to wake me up. Ugh!!! Two of my biggest pet peeves in one. I have a feeling we won't be friends in the near future. And now some of the phone etiquette pet peeves I've developed because of my job. Similar to my biggest pet peeve, when I do leave a message and they call back wondering who called from that number. Check your message!! When people have cell phones and don't check their messages so their voicemail is always full. "Due to subscribers request, this number dieis not receiving calls." What's the point of having a cell phone? When people call and when I answer they continue talking to whomever they were talking to. Leaving me saying, "hello?!" About 15 times before they remember they called. When I answer the phone with the name of our office and they ask if this is that office. I just told you it was! Pay attention! And I'm sure there are plenty more but those are what come to mind at the moment. There should be a class they make you take before you can buy a cell phone teaching people phone etiquette.

Lunch

The worst meal of the day, I say. Breakfast is always easy. Easy to make, quick to eat, etc. Dinner is always yummy. You have do many choices, eat in, eat out. And then there is lunch. The one in the middle. Can't eat it too early or you end up skipping breakfast. Can't eat it too late or you aren't hungry for dinner. You don't want to spend a lot of time preparing it or you waste the afternoon away. You have to stop what you're doing to eat, just interrupts your day. And if you're home alone going out to lunch isn't really an option. Who wants to go out to lunch alone? Not me. So you stay home and you have like 5 choices of not-so-great, easy-to-make foods. Pb & j, Mac and cheese, spaghetti-os, grilled cheese, or ramen noodles. Blah, blah,blah. Lunch sucks. I wish I could skip it without feeling hungry and ornery. And it doesn't help that even if I do want to skip it I have to make lunch for the kid. Worst meal ever. Psh, lunch needs a change.

I am Mormon

Have you ever read The Book of Mormon? Have you prayed about it, asking for yourself if it is true? If your answer is yes then you either consider yourself Mormon or you've forgotten what that felt like. If you've forgotten, I dare you to try it again. If you won't, I want a good reason. If your answer to the first two questions is no, I dare you to try. If you do you will really see and feel why our religion believes what we do. And if you won't then I say get your facts straight. Don't tell me how bad ice cream tastes until you taste it. Don't tell me what's wrong with chocolate covered bacon until you try it. Don't judge me before you get to know me. With all the "Mormon" things in the media I am just going crazy. Not because they are saying bad things but because they are so niave about it. I constantly find myself saying, "duh" and "really?" Because it really blows my mind what people can come up with. We Mormons, as a people, aren't perfect. No one, no matter the religion is. But I believe The Book of Mormon is the truest book I have ever read. I believe Joseph Smith was a true prophet. And by reading The Book of Mormon you will be testified of that. I believe in latter-day prophets and revelation. Why wouldn't God be helping us in present times? The Bible happened a long time ago. Things have changed quite a bit since then. We drive cars and have computers and about aillion other things are different from those times. However, our religion is still closest to how religion was practiced then. Prophets, apostles, baptism, temple work, and so much more. Not only does all the negativity drive me crazy but it also strengthens my testimony. Why would Satan/evil be trying so hard to anger people about religion if it weren't true? What would he care? Why would people be so worried about it? And yet, after all this effort to destruct our religion, look at how many new members we have each year. And look how happy we still are. Look how kind we still are. How is any of that evil? So, please, all I ask is that until you have the facts and try it for yourself, be careful what you say. Otherwise, you'll end up looking pretty silly. I have never (that I can honestly recall) said something mean about another religion. What is there to say about it? If that is what they truly believe who am I to say they are wrong? And until I try it for myself who am I to say it is right or wrong? Shouldn't that be considered in every religion? And in every person?