Losing For Good

Losing someone close to you is hard. But if it means they are finally free from the pains of mortal life it makes it a little less hard. We cry because we miss them. We smile because we are happy for them. It is hard to see someone go but almost harder to see them suffer for so long.
Someone really close to me passed away today. She was like my other mother, I even called her mom. She was one of my best friends. I could talk to her about anything and everything and she always knew just what to say and didn't judge. She listened and gave great advice. She worked hard and fought harder. She had strong beliefs. She gave all she had to who ever needed it. She served everyone. She was a friend to all. She let me be a part of her family. I felt like her kids were my siblings and her grandkids were my nieces and nephews. We all loved like we were really family. I regret drifting so far away recently. I got too caught up in my own life. I told myself I was too busy and didn't have time. I knew she was sick so I convinced myself I didn't want to see her like that. Every time that still small voice tells you to do something over and over and you don't listen you end up kicking yourself for it later. If I would have just listened. I talked to her on Tuesday over text. She said she was too sick and I couldn't come that day. I text her on Thursday. She never responded. I didn't want to bother her. She passed away around 2 this morning. Since I've known her, which is just about 5 years, she has been battling cancer. She had it longer than that, about a year before I met her she was diagnosed. She had a very very rare kind of cancer that only 2 other people in the US have. All of her treatments were experimental. They all seemed to work, at first but it always came back. It came back stronger and she fought harder. She never gave up. She suffered a lot and complained very little. She worked hard even when she was in lots of pain and I only saw her cry once.
She taught me a lot of life lessons. She taught me when to stand up for myself. She taught me to stay strong to your beliefs. She taught me about relationships. She taught me about being a mom. She taught me how to pay attention to detail and work hard and clean well. She gave me so much and I will miss her so much.
Elsie Kay Gates Roundy who always went by Kay will always be remembered. Kay, thank you for all you gave me. I will always keep you in my heart and always love you.

sick of being sick!

I always thought I had such a good immune system, I hardly ever got sick as a child. I bet I've been sick more in the past 2 or 3 years than I ever was before. I work at a pediatric office so I thought my immunity would be building up more but I guess that's not the case. This month has probably been the worst. I had a little bit of a cold at the beginning of the month followed by an ear infection. After that we all got the stomach flu. And I do mean all of us. I'm not sure where we got it but within a week it reached me, Jake, Kyler, my mom, jakes brothers, my sister, my friend and a few other people. It was not a fun week. That is the sickest I have ever seen Jake. He couldn't stop throwing up and ended up coming into the doctors office to get a zofran shot. That makes you stop throwing up and feeling nauseas. I got one too since I was starting to feel sick and let me tell ya those don't feel very nice. It worked though so I can't complain. Jake ended up going home from work and sleeping the whole day. ( I must point out he has yet to call in to work.) Kyler never threw up but he almost did once and I could tell he wasn't feeling good. We all got over that and then came the cold/sinus congestion. That's what I have now. Can't breathe, headache, sore throat, the works.
I AM DONE BEING SICK!!!! Maybe that will be my birthday wish this year, to not get sick for a few years!

Sticks and Stones

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion...but that doesn't mean it always has to be said. (Dear friends, please don't take this personally, it's not you.) I'm talking about facebook and pinterest comments. They are my two most viewed websites but at the moment I'm feeling yucky about one of them. I really do not like confrentation. I think if I took debate class I would end up having an anxiety attack on day one. So even though things I read have nothing to do with me it still upsets me. Some people have some very opinionated friends on pinterest. Just reading the comments some people put make me mad. I wouldn't comment things like that on my friends pins. I care about people's feelings. Probably too much at times but I don't know too many people that would say I hurt their feelings by something I said. Perhaps part of it is the artist in me, as well. In art everyone has their own interpretations of things and own ideas and tastes. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean it is wrong. And I know my feelings have been hurt by someone saying something bad about my artwork. So I think if someone pins something they think is interesting and you aren't a fan keep your fingers off the keyboard. Don't say anything. My feelings can be hurt easily and I tend to take critisism very seriously. I am a people pleaser. I don't think it is bad to assume everyone else could be like this. And since I do, I watch what I say in order to not hurt them. No one likes to be told they are wrong or stupid. If you feel it absolutely necissary to say something go easy on them. If they don't get it after that then it might be ok to just tell them exactly how you feel.
This may seem like a weird blog. Just abother venting session, and it is. My anxiety is high lately and I've found it just makes it easier to upset me. Why can't everyone just get along? Why do certain people have to disagree with everything I say lately? I think some good advice to end this with would be the words of Thumper on Bambi, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

It's The Difference That Makes It

No, I'm not perfect or a genius but sometimes I think I should have been an English major. Lately, it has been getting harder and harder to keep from correcting people on Facebook. There IS a difference between certain words and it looks ridiculous to use the wrong word. For example, there was a sign on the road that said, "Road work TELL Sunday". Tell Sunday? What are you going to tell Sunday and how does that have anything to do with road work? How embarrassing. Then there is a comment on Facebook: I've been here sense noon! Sense noon, huh? What do you sense about it? And the best one: I love you to. You love me to where? I just love how innocent people are when they either can't spell the correct one, really don't know the difference, or just don't care. It's just too bad it makes them look silly.

Stolen Words

I worry, I wonder all the time, why worry?
It's killing me, forget about it
I whisper, remember what she did, don't miss her
Set me free, she won't allow it
Angry and gone
And the list goes on and on
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me backmy broken parts
I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts
You keep crying, crying, crying
Till you cannot see at all
You keep crying, crying, crying
Till you cannot breathe at all
What do you do when you’re alone?
What do you do when no one’s home?
What do you do when you’re alone?
Out of control,
Now on your own
Never waking up
The alarm is broken
Running in a dream
and it’s like slow motion
Alone
Is there anyone out there?
Is there anyone now?
All I needare the details
Just to find a way out
You can’t break away what you cannot change
You can’t break away
You can’t break away what you cannot change
You can’t break away

I am Me

Sometimes it is hard to not compare yourself to the people around you and the people you grew up with. It's really easy to be negative and most people compare others at their best with you are your worst. I was just reading some blogs and feeling really depressed because they were doing things I always wanted to do but didn't, or they have things I always wanted. So this blog is a reminder to me that just because life isn't how I pictured it doesn't mean it's bad. Some people have careers, even the careers I always thought I would have at this age. But I have Kyler. I am a mom and I love it. Some mom's have clean houses. I have a job, and not a lot of energy. I love my job and love helping support my family. Some mom's have their family on good schedules. I have a wonderful husband who not only supports our family but also cooks dinner. Which means we go by his schedule, which varies depending on the day. I don't have to have the picture perfect life or life I always pictured to be happy about how my life is. The funny thing about this is realizing I was picturing my life all wrong. 48 hour days, at least. Going to work, cleaning the house, making dinner, scriptures and prayers, bath time and bed by 830 so I can still have time to talk to my husband before getting 8 full hours of sleep so I could wake up in time to make my families breakfast and lunch, get everyone all perfect and ready and go to work again. YEAH RIGHT!! So I didn't go back to school? I married a wonderful man and started my family. So my baby doesn't have a perfect schedule and all the extra stuff I thought i'd do with my kids. But he is happy and healthy and will always have my love. Life is never how We plan it to be. Live for today, you never know what tomorrow brings.

Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you