The One Piece

Dear Swimsuit Makers,

Why is there nothing good in my size? Yes, I am tiny and most people find that attractive but that doesn't mean I want to show it off in a skimpy bikini.
Why is it that there are sales for one piece swim suits but they don't even come close to my size? (that's what started this. A cute one piece on sale...$9.38 but not my size. A half way decent, boring, one piece in my size on the same site...$33.08. Are ya freaking kidding me?!)

The "half-off" $33.08 one piece in my size.

And where do some sites get the definition for "one piece"? A bikini top and bottom tied together with a couple stings just doesn't work for me. Just because the top and bottom are connected doesn't really mean it should be classified as "one piece".

Not a One Piece!!

Yes, there are sites and stores out there that sell cute one piece, modest swim suits, but they usually come with a pretty price. I want the one on sale for 10 bucks! Is that too much to ask? I mean really, it is less fabric!

Society says "be skinny, be tiny" but guess what, it is not all it's chalked up to be. Nothing in your size. Like, yes, America is fat but stores really should order more than 1 of each item in the small size. I find cute stuff, swimsuits or not, on the clearance rack but guess what...not my size!!! Never my size!! And it's always been this way.

Guess I'm done ranting for now. Got to get back to looking for something under $30 that fits me and covers up what only my hubby should see...wink* wink* haha!

Thankful for Meds

At first, I didn't want anyone to know. Even now I wonder if people think I am crazy for telling people. But I don't care. Why should I be ashamed of something I have and being able to take medication in order to make me feel better? If I had diabetes I don't think I would mind telling people I take blood sugar medication. Sure, some people don't want others to know about their specific health issues because they don't want the worry or the sympathy. We all want to be normal but, really, what is normal? We all have issues. Some bigger than others and some more on the outside than in, but we all have them. Me? I have anxiety.

Anxiety is something that anyone can experience in their life. It is an emotion. But it can also be, for some people, more than that. It can be a disease. A glitch in your brain that you can't control. Thoughts that you know are irrational make you feel a certain way and no matter how much you tell yourself it is irrational, you still feel crappy.

If you don't have that kind of anxiety, you wouldn't understand what it is like to feel it. Just like I will never know what it is like to be deaf or blind (I hope). Anxiety is hard to explain. It is like being stressed out over a million things to do all at the same time...only, you really only have one thing to do. You can't think straight. You can feel sick, whether it be an upset stomach, headache, dizziness, or whatever it might be. It is different for everyone. It can be aggravating and depressing all at once. You want to runaway from everything and everyone yet being alone seems like the worst thing in the entire world. It can feel like you are being pulled (literally) in multiple directions at the same time.

There are a few things that are specific to me that can easily cause my anxiety. Social situations is one of them. A recent example of this was going to Wal-Mart in Lindon. I don't usually go to that Wal-Mart and not knowing where things were was frustrating, as it might be for anyone. But instead of just dealing with it, it felt as though the store were closing in on me. I was walking in circles. Time was moving slower and I felt like I had been there for hours. My kids seemed louder and more obnoxious. The isles were suddenly overly crowded. It was hot and uncomfortable and I could have sworn other customers were following me. They were right on my tail and I was constantly trying to get out of the way. They were looking at me like an outsider and I felt their eyes on me and could hear their judging thoughts in my head. Women were racing me down the isles like I was going to take the last box of granola bars from them. The World of Wal-Mart was out to get me and I was ready to sit down and cry.

It's times like those that make me say to myself, "It's time to make an appointment with Cheryl (my therapist). Yep, not only do I take medication but I also see a therapist. Call me crazy if you want but being treated for my "craziness" is better than actually being crazy.

Which brings me to one of the thoughts for this blog entry. Because I am finally (for now, anyway) on the right dose of medication I am feeling more like myself. Last year I struggled with finding the right dose and right medication. Mostly because I got pregnant and then had a baby and it put everything out of whack. Because I was feeling so anxious all the time it was really hard to be in social situations or talk to people or even get out of the house most of the time. Which meant I didn't make it to church very often. Of course, I used other excuses like church starting at 9:00am or not feeling good or having a brand new baby, which were all true. They just came a lot easier to use when my anxiety was bad. Making myself put the excuses behind me and forcing myself to go could bring me to tears. I didn't think it was all that bad going to church once a month. And then January hit. Church now starts at 11:00/ My baby is no longer a newborn and I was finally taking the right meds.

First Sunday in January I went to church and it felt great. Like I had been missing out....because I had been. I didn't really think about it because I don't have many close friends in my ward that I missed. But being in church. For the real reasons. Learning the Gospel and feeling the Spirit is what I missed without even realizing it.

And for that, I am grateful for my medication. I don't feel as anxious to go to church and sit by people I don't know. I can say hi to people and get to know others. I don't feel like hiding in the corner or running out before the closing prayer. I want to stay for classes and meet new friends. As I am writing this I am wracking my brain, trying to think of the last time I got up and bore my testimony in Sacrament Meeting. I really can't think of anytime I have, other than at the end of the talk I hating giving. But the last Sunday in January I did it. I just walked right up and did it.

I'm sure many of you have felt this way before. That burning feeling you get that you should get up and do it but then someone else gets up and you have that sense of relief that you just got out of it....until that awkward silence when no one is going up and you know it's your turn....and then someone else gets up...phew! Well, it was like that for me for most of the meeting. And then the last person went up. Bore their testimony and then time was up. The Bishop was going to get up and close the meeting and I felt like I had made it through without having to get up...but he didn't get up. The last moment of awkward silence came and I couldn't take it anymore. The anxiety of not going up out weighed that of going up. It was like I couldn't take it anymore and Jake actually said I looked angry or annoyed. I told him I was annoyed. Annoyed that I couldn't just stay in my seat for 2 more minutes.

It was short and sweet. Like a little kid's testimony but for the first time I didn't feel like I was going to pass out or that my words were all mixing together or that I just wanted to sink down, behind the podium. And of course I mentioned I had anxiety and that it was the reason why some people may think I am new to the ward even when I am not. That I have a hard time talking to people. So what do people do after you tell them a thing like that? They come up and talk to you, of course. I was a little annoyed because I am so used to keeping to myself but decided it wasn't that bad in the end.

And since then, I have been better about going to church. I don't have perfect attendance but I am doing a lot better than I have been. I just hope I can keep it up and that my meds keep working the way they are.

I know some people struggle with trying to be on the right medication and it can take years for them to finally find something that works for them. And then I know others that are able to get off of it altogether once they have worked out certain issues. I tried that. Worked out all my issues, I thought, and went off meds. Had the worst 2 weeks ever. Decided it just isn't time to be off meds. Maybe some day I will be able to but that day is not today, or even tomorrow. I have heard of lots of other, more natural, "cures" for anxiety, (diet, exercise, etc.) but because of what is going on in my life right now, just thinking about those things stresses me out.

So I guess for now I'll stick to what I know works and be thankful that I live in a time of modern medicine that works for me.

Thankful to be Me

Simple as that. Everyday I think of more to be thankful for. Things I don't usually feel thankful for. Things that I shouldn't take advantage of like I do.

I hear and see things on TV and Facebook that sometimes make me wonder how I ended up with the life I did. And makes me wonder how I am even allowed to think about complaining.

I was born in a time of heat, air conditioning, running water, electronics for just about anything that would require hard labor, medical technology, cell phones, etc.

I was born in America to a middle class family that were already members of The Church.

I think a lot about Russia. Not because of the Olympics or anything but because a little bug or something climbed in my head a long time ago and said I was going to adopt from there. I don't know when, and lately I don't know how because of the new law there, but I do know I will eventually do it.
I think about the children there and in countries all over the world that are in orphanages. Rows of beds, dirty clothes, little food, and little warmth. No one to pay for medical expenses. And I wonder, how did I get so lucky? And why do they have to suffer?

Makes me think of the bigger picture. Having a body and coming to earth must be the most important thing we will ever do, throughout eternity. We knew of the hardships we would have and yet we still chose to come. Makes me wonder if I was a big baby about it. I wasn't one of the stronger ones that said, "Let me be born in "whatever" country and in "whatever" time and I will deal with the hardships of that land and time. Put me in Germany, in 1940, and better yet, make me a Jew." or "Put me in Russia, born with FAS, a mother that abandon's me and a life in an orphanage that has little heat and little food and only a few caretakers." or "Give me a family but make them abuse me in the most horrible way possible until I lose the will to live." or "How about the Middle Ages where I watch everyone around me die of plague and then I do the same."
I could go on but we all know how hard things can be and have been for people.

I've talked to Jake about this and he tells me that we all have our own hardships to go through and they are made for us. We were born at the time and place we were for a reason. I know this is true but I just can't wrap my head around it. I understand that we are all born at the time we should be but why am I one of the lucky ones?

Sometimes, I just wish that I would remember this more often. Remember that things could be worse and I really shouldn't be complaining at all.

Germ-a-phobe? Maybe.

This is going to be one of those random blogs that only happened because of random thoughts I was having. It is about a few of my pet peeves.

Things that get left out on the counter to collect germs...only to end up in our mouths. I do not understand how people can leave their kitchen utensils out on the counter and then use them to eat with. If you have ever watched The Big Bang Theory you can see what I'm talking about. Sheldon (main character) is afraid of germs and getting sick and yet he eats off of the forks that sit in a container on the kitchen counter. Doesn't he realize that people could cough or sneeze or something all over them and he wouldn't even know it?! Drives me nuts. Same goes for things like spoons and spatulas, even though I grew up with them being out on a counter. Guess I was just so used to it I didn't realize. But now that I have a house of my own, I prefer my eating utensils in the drawer.

Toothbrushes in toothbrush holders or cups on the counter. Really? I mean the kitchen is bad enough but then lets put something we use to clean our mouths out on the counter for people to cough, sneeze, accidentally touch, splash water on, get hair on, etc. Not to mention all the other unmentionables that happen in the bathroom. So where can you find my toothbrush? In the mirror cabinet, on it's own special shelf, with a plastic travel case to cover the top. Germ-a-phobe? Maybe.

Speaking of the bathroom....I am not a fan of extra toilet paper holders, toilet brush holders, or plunger holders, that sit on the floor behind the toilet. Convenient? Yeah. But then they collect all the stuff that happens to land behind the toilet - (need I explain what that might be?) It really just gives you one more nasty surface to wash off when cleaning the bathroom and I like my toilet paper to be somewhat clean before I use it, not all dusty on the side. Not to mention the most important fact: children touch everything and want to play with everything. Whether it is your own or someone that comes to visit, they will find it.

So those are my top 3. Sorry any of these apply to you. I don't mean to offend and have no one in mind while writing this. Just getting out a few of my thoughts. I guess they came about because Jake and I went shopping this week and he joked about getting a thing for utensils, just because he knows how much it bothers me. Then, later, we were looking for a toilet brush and I saw the kind you leave out and we had a discussion about how I refuse to have them.

Kyler's Birthday - Post 2

And here it is...Kyler's second celebration. Party at Grandma and Papa Cohoon's after Sunday dinner!!


"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Kyler!!! Happy Birthday to you!!"

Make a wish and blow out the candles!

Mommy, Daddy, and Jaysen got him a Fire Truck!

"WOOOAAAAHHHHH"

"Sa-weet!" A work bench!

Blahhh!

He also got a blanket and some giant Lego's from Mindy and her kids but I guess we didn't get pictures of those. He had so much fun opening everything. I really think this is the first birthday he has really been able to understand and enjoy.

ARRGGHHHH

No, it isn't pirate talk. I am just frustrated. I don't even know how much this blog will make sense. I just want to vent a little. I don't want to get into too many details because I really don't want an argument or discussion. I just want to voice my opinions.

I WISH PEOPLE WOULD STOP JUDGING OTHERS FOR THINGS THEY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!!!

I know that we all judge. It is in our nature. It is impossible to not judge. We have to judge people in order to protect ourselves. But I just wish people would keep their harsh comments and thoughts to themselves when it comes to things they don't know much about. More than likely, when mean things are said, and later you discover what really happened you find out you were wrong. And then it is too late, you can't take it back. And it is really sad that some people don't regret saying things. I try very hard to be careful of what I say of others because that has happened and I do feel bad. And knowing I can't take it back is hard for me. Not only because what I said may have been wrong but also because I know that I will be judged later on for the hurtful things I may have said.

UGHHHHH!!!!

This is why I can't get into politics and have trouble voting. I don't know what to believe most of the time.
And a lot of issues are so gray scale for me. I can see both sides of things and even though I know why I believe something should be a certain way I can also see why other's might want it differently. You can't please everyone, ya know.

Makes me want to quote the line from Rex in Toy Story, "I don't like confrontation!" I really don't.

I have a hard time sharing my beliefs with other's sometimes because I worry I won't be able to say what I want or I won't be knowledgeable enough to prove my point. But that is just me and my opinion is honestly, let other's believe what they want and leave them alone. Be open to suggestion but don't hurt other's when their beliefs aren't yours.

I truly love my religion and believe it. I believe in missionaries sharing and us teaching other's about what we believe. I love my religion because when we go to church we learn about the scriptures. We learn about Christ and his teachings. We learn how to be better people and how to strive spiritually. What we don't do is bash other churches or "damn people to hell" for not believing what we do.

Can't we all just be nice and get along???!!! I mean why is it so hard??!?! It really just frustrates me to the max lately and I just had to let some of it out.

And The Verdict Is....

Recently, I posted on Facebook that after 6 years of being married to an extreme football fan it was time for me to pick my own team. Naturally I like the team he likes, The Cowboys, but I had to have a team of my own. So with a lot of thinking, contemplating, and color coordinating, I have decided on a team.

And the winner is......

The Seattle Seahawks!!!!!

I first got the idea because a couple summers ago my parents went to Washington and brought back a mini football with the Seattle Seahawks on it for Kyler. Then, after watching a couple preseason games I decided they seemed like a pretty good team. And best of all, they have great colors. (Second to The Cowboys.)
Other teams that were considered were:

Denver Broncos. They have Peyton Manning who I think is a pretty good quarterback. And they are closet to me geographically so finding their memorabilia is pretty easy. BUT I am not a fan of blue and orange AND they are pretty popular already here. I like to be different.

San Francisco 49'ers. Only because I like Austin Collie who played for BYU. (Let's just say 3 years ago this would have been an easy choice because Peyton and Austin both played for the Colts which is when I started liking them - even with Austin Collie getting concussions every other game.)

San Diego Chargers. Because San Diego is one of my ultimate favorite vacation spots. But then I watched them play against the Seahawks and suddenly Seahawks were favored over them. (And the lightning bolt thing didn't really do it for me.)

And that was pretty much it for the serious considerations. Of course, Jennifer and I went over all of our options and she helped me weigh the pros and cons. And if it were up to her I would have picked Patriots. However, they were the first team Jake vetoed me to pick. He hates them. Also vetoed were The Jets, but I wasn't interested in them anyway.

I did, however, have a pretty good argument for picking The Cowboys, even if Jake didn't already like them. It starts with their quarterback, Tony Romo. He dated Jessica Simpson, who is Ashley Simpson's sister, who married Pete Wentz (now divorced), who I have pretty much been in love with since I was 17. So basically Tony and Pete were close to brother-in-laws, kinda. I mean I bet they had a few family dinners together and Tony probably went to the wedding. AND the Cowboys have the best colors (navy blue and silver) and the best logo (a *Star*).

So there you go. I am officially a football fan. I could either dread football season or embrace it and after the last 6 years with Jake I've come to realize embracing it is the best option.

GO SEAHAWKS!!!!!

Indecisive

I want to blog.
I just can't decide what to blog about.
Here are some topic's that have been on my mind recently:

*Missing my Teenage Years
*Family History
*Loving People No Matter What
*Honesty

And then of course there are all the things I would like to blog about on my family blog. I just don't seem to have the energy lately. A few times this week I have had the time to blog and I start but then just get tired of thinking and I don't finish. I guess we will see how far I get today. I think I will go backwards of that list.

Honesty.

This is the conversation Jake and I were having in the car on the way home from dinner today. I really think that the world wouldn't have half as many problems if people could just be honest. So much dishonesty in our Government. And it doesn't even have to go that far to cause problems. For example, all of us at work (doctor's office) are annoyed with Medicaid and forms of Medicaid insurance. That's nice that there is an option for those without insurance or means of paying for insurance. I just wish that people would be honest about it. Don't think I am judging people, I know we all have our trials. However, I have seen some of the houses that some people who have Medicaid are living in. Triple the size of mine, pool in the backyard, beautiful neighborhood and vehicles to go with it. Please explain to me how they can't afford insurance yet can afford all of those beautiful things. I see this a lot working in a doctor's office and it is just hard to not be angry that these people are getting free insurance and I am forking over hundreds of dollars a month for my family to be insured. Not to mention the co-pays and parts of bills that my insurance won't cover. I just don't see how they could possibly be being honest about their income when they have all of those luxuries. I just wish that people would be honest when it comes to needing help. Same goes for people on the street corners. I wish I could give money to the people holding signs but I just don't know if they really are in need. Who's to say they aren't better off than I am? And maybe I should just be a giving person and leave it up to the Lord as to whether or not they are being honest but it is so hard.

Next topic:

Loving People No Matter What

Why do we have to hate those that aren't exactly like us and have our same opinions? When it comes to the controversy of Homosexuality I have my own opinions. I can't honestly say I am for or against it. Personally, I am attracted to the opposite sex and believe that is how it is supposed to be. However, it is not my place to judge. We are all here to learn and be tested. In the next life we will find out what the real answer is. But for now my personal rule is to let people think what they want and be what they want. If there are consequences to anyone's actions, of any kind, then those are their consequences, not mine. I honestly think that unless you are hurting someone else then you are entitled to do whatever you want, legally. Morally is different but that is more between you and God and I cannot judge that. I mean think about it. Things that should be illegal are things that affect others. Killing. Stealing. Assaulting. Speeding. Things like that. And going along with the Honesty subject, if people honestly think they love someone of the same sex who am I to say they can't? I understand it goes deeper than that when it comes to marriage such as healthcare and other benefits that come with marriage but if they get married for love and not just to benefit from those things then I don't see why it is a problem. As long as they aren't abusing the system. Another thing is I think a lot of people like to rebel. Doing things just because they know someone else won't like it. But we are all different. There will always be someone that doesn't like or agree with something you do.

Along with this I want to add religion. Being Mormon I hear a lot of negativity about my beliefs. I have been watching that show, Breaking Amish, and there is a lot of negativity there as well. I just don't understand how there is so much hate that goes with religion. Let people decide for themselves what they believe. Consequences come in the next life for that. Be honest about what you believe and who you are and let others be. Share what you know and if they disagree don't hate them or try to force it upon them. The only religions I have a problem with are the ones that hurt others. Sacrifices and such. I realize that has to do with ancient rituals or what not but I really don't think that any religion should say to kill another person not willing to die for that religion.
Another thing I want to add...I have my beliefs and you may not have the same ones, but don't assume that I dislike you for that reason. If I honestly have a problem with you it is because you have hurt me or I know you are being dishonest with me and yourself. I'm not one to judge unless I know you are doing something for the wrong reasons. I don't smoke, drink alcohol, or coffee, and a number of other things that some people find acceptable. However, if you do those things I won't judge you because of it. But if I know your beliefs and have heard your opinions and then you try and tell me otherwise I am not going to believe you. And be disappointed that you are fooling yourself. But I will still love you.

Moving on.

Family History

This is a more lighthearted subject. I have always loved hearing about my own family history and helping my mom with genealogy. I wish I knew more about it and could pursue it more. I love that new show "Who Do You Think You Are". About celebrities that get to find out the history in their families. Seeing old documents, visiting historical sites, seeing old pictures. That kind of stuff has always interested me. Maybe because of my family history and all the stories and information we have from the Kimball line. Fascinating. While watching that show I saw someone had the title of "Genealogist" and I thought that would be an awesome job. I was telling Jake that I don't really like History but I like getting to know the people in history. Their personal stories and pictures and artifacts are what interest me. I would love to have a butt-load of money and go to Ireland and other places to see where my family lived and imagine what life might have been like for them. I hope that after we die we will be able to see the past. Sit down with some popcorn and watch your ancestors lives. See the sacrifices they went through in their life that lead to you being where and who you are.

And last but not least (wow, I've almost finished everything I wanted to blog about...)

Missing My Teenage Years

I may not miss all of the experiences but I will say years 17 and 18 were some of the best for me. I had recently discovered my love of music and I'd like to say that was mostly what I thought about. Which music to listen to and which time, what concerts to go to, what my favorite band members were doing, what new music was coming out, etc. I guess after I got married and had kids the music part of my life died down. Yes, a lot of that is because I wouldn't approve of my children listening to some of it *holds head in shame* and also because Jake and I have different taste in music. AND the fact that I don't get to see my friends who listen to the same music as I do as much. Music played such a big part in my teenage life and now when I hear certain songs I have memories of things that happened during those years and I miss it. I remember the feelings I had at the time. Mostly freedom and newness. Doing adult things for the first time. Moving out, dating, driving, working, etc. Music controls so many of my emotions. A certain song can cause me to be happy, sad, anxious, excited, or angry. Mostly because of what happened in my life when that music was part of it. Which is why I miss my teenage years so much right now. As many of you know, my all time favorite band is Fall Out Boy and close second is Panic! At the Disco. Well, I just missed FOB's concert and Panic! is coming next month and I will miss that one as well. I used to be such an avid concert goer. It makes growing up feel so hard and depressing. Don't have the money and free time to spend on things like concerts.
Besides music I miss my friends. A lot of them I haven't seen in years and probably won't see for a very long time, if ever again. We all grow up and move on and even when we do see each other later in life it isn't the same. It feels awkward because we have changed over time. Maybe, along with seeing our ancestor's lives, we will be able to relive moments of ours. Not to change things, but just to have those feelings again. Be able to feel the excitement of firsts and the feeling of achievement when we accomplished something. One can only hope. And wait and see.

The Eternal Fish

Angelfish? Maybe. We aren't sure yet what exactly this fish's deal is. First, a little background... We bought a fish tank about a year ago. Got a few fish and had fun watching them until they died every few months. We can't keep plants alive. Whatever made us think we could keep fish alive I'm still not sure. Anyway, the fish came and went until finally we decided to stop buying more fish. We agreed that when they all died we would take the fish tank down and try again in ten years or so. One by one they died off until finally there was only one fish left. A bright yellow fish that I don't remember the name of. A few weeks after all the other fish had died it started swimming funny, just like the other fish did days before they were belly up. It was swimming in circles, hovering at the bottom, and struggling to make it to the top of the tank to eat. A couple weeks of this went by. Every night, when we fed it, we would talk about how it wasn't going to make it another day. And then every morning there it would be, swimming around like it was just fine. It blew our minds. And then it got worse. Not moving much at all and seeming like it was just holding on by a thread. I think it was like that for a week or two...and then out of nowhere it snapped out of it. Completely normal again. We decided it must have just been sick. (Do fish get sick?) And now for the past (going on) two months things have just been weird. It will be lying on it's side, on the bottom, not moving at all. We tap on the glass, nothing. We prepare ourselves for cleaning out the tank later that day and then we turn around and there it is, swimming around. Was it asleep? Because I thought fish didn't sleep. THIS FISH HAS NINE FREAKING LIVES! I don't know if it is a "catfish" (haha) or what but it seems to have 9 lives. I don't know how many times we are 99.9% sure it is dead and then suddenly it's not. The thing won't die. I'm not sure what it's holding on for but it is starting to freak us out. Part of me wants to get a teeny tiny bee-bee gun and put it out of it's misery. Jake has threatened to flush it numerous times but I just know that not "all drains lead to the ocean." A friend of mine owns a turtle...turtles eat fish. She has offered to take it off our hands but I just can't do that either. And so we wait. We watch and we wait and maybe someday it will die. Maybe. And when that day comes I think we will be forced to have a small funeral out of respect for it's many lives. (And maybe we should get an autopsy done, either to figure out what it's deal is or just to make sure it is actually dead.)

JSH

Today, in Sunday School we talked about Joseph Smith, reading Joseph Smith History 1:1-26. I love Joseph Smith History and Doctrine and Covenants. I love learning about the history of the church. It is such a testimony builder for me. And it just makes me shake my head when I think about the people who say Joseph Smith was a phony or something. When I read the Book of Mormon and think about how Joseph Smith translated it and that some people can say he made it up it just blows my mind. I don't think anyone who has really read the Book of Mormon can honestly say that it isn't true and that Joseph Smith even made up one word.
When we talked about the first vision today and how people didn't believe him when he told about his experience it just made me think. How could someone believe in Noah, Moses, and other prophets of old and then say that it wasn't possible for Joseph Smith to receive a vision. Where, in the Bible or any other place, does it say that God will no longer permit for people to have visions? Sure, Noah saw him and was told what he must do but Joseph Smith? Why wouldn't he have been able to be visited by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ?
We talked about "coincidence's" and how they weren't really coincidence at all. Joseph Smith's family moving to New York for one. I didn't know that they lived in Vermont and then there was a volcano causing ash to spread and crops to die making it so that Joseph Smith Sen. had to move to New York and his family later followed. They moved to New York not knowing they were only 3 miles from where the plates were buried. God knows what he is doing. There is a plan for everything.
It is amazing. Heavenly Father knows what is going on, knows what will happen, knows what we need and where we need to be and when. We just need to remember to trust him. Sure, that means not knowing a lot of the time and having to have faith that things will work out. That can sometimes be the hardest thing we can do; trust in the Lord. And maybe that is the biggest lesson we are here to learn. We are tested all the time but that is the biggest test, I think. He tests us in order to see how we react. Do we ask him for help? Do we put all our faith and trust in him? That's the real test. It's simple, just trust the Lord and ask for help, but that does not mean it is easy. It is never easy. But whoever said it would be?
When Joseph Smith was in the sacred grove and Satan came upon him that must have been the most horrible thing Joseph could have experienced. He could have just given up, surrendered to Satan and let the evil take over. But instead he prayed. And knowing how I am when I am in the middle of something scary, he probably prayed harder than he ever had before. I think that not only shows that yes, Satan knew what he was doing and was trying to stop him, but also that Heavenly Father was testing him. Would he cry out for help in that situation? And that's what we need to do. Maybe instead of saying, "why? Why would the Lord test me like this?" we need to say, "I trust you, Lord, I trust you to help me through this." It isn't fun and it won't be easy but with his help we can make it through anything.
"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it."

Sweet California

If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

I thought this was a good blog to do today because lately all I do is complain about the weather. I am so sick of the snow and even more sick of the cold. I'm tired of waiting for my car to defrost in the morning. I'm tired of having to bundle up just to get the mail. I love Utah, I really do but this is a very bad winter. Sadly, I like the winter's where it snows once or twice and then it turns to spring. I know, that isn't good because then we have a drought in the summer but I am so sick of snow.
My birthday wish is for all the snow in my yard to be melted before my birthday. I need warmth. Which brings me to where I would live if I could live anywhere.
When asked this question in the past I have had the same answer, and still do.

Carmel, California

I swear it is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever been to. Grated, the houses I admire there are priced in the millions, but they are gorgeous. Right on the rocky coast, surrounded by tall tree's and flowering foliage. Breath taking. And no snow.
Also, it is only about 30 min from my favorite vacation destination, Santa Cruz, California. When I was younger my family took a few vacation's there. Some of the best memories and most fun times I had. Santa Cruz beach boardwalk is all you need in a vacation. Shopping, food, arcades, rides and rollercoasters, the beach, the pier, ice cream, our hotel - right across the street from all of that, the pool. Heaven.
So, I figure living just half an hour away from the touristy city would be nice. More secluded. And the drive is amazing. The road takes you right along the shore line which is covered in rocks and trees. We have driven it at sunset and it is gorgeous.
And the best part of living in California, besides the ocean and beach....NO SNOW!! No freezing temperatures. No scraping ice off your windows. No wearing 10 layers of clothing. No sitting on the couch, next to the heater all day because you are too cold to move. No shoveling sidewalks. No slipping on ice.
It has been a very long time since I've been to California, over 2 years! That is just crazy for me, I used to go at least once a year. I guess that's what happens when you grow up and stop going on family vacations with your parents. Finding time and finding money is a lot harder now. I wish we could go this year but I am due to have a baby in June so I don't know how much vacationing we will be able to do.
Cheers to California and warm weather, may it soon be upon us here in Utah.

Empire Records: Open til midnight.

Phone etiquette. Why do most people not have any? When it comes to this subject, I have a LOT of pet peevesg. Most of them are pretty recent, because of my job. I'm a receptionist. I talk on the phone all day. But I'll list those in a minute. The true inspiration for this post is because someone called me at 7:30 this morning. It's my day off. I know they couldn't possibly know that, but that us beside the point. The point is, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND CALLS SOMEONE THEY DON'T KNOW BEFORE 10:00????!!!??!?!? 10:00 is my rule. I don't make phone calls before then unless I absolutely have to. I think 9:00 is still a little early when it comes to guessing whether or not a person is awake. 8:00 is probably the average time that people are awake. Gotta get to work and get the kids off to school. But it is still too early. Especially because if they don't have to do those things, or you don't know if they do or not, they are more than likely still asleep. AND ANY TIME BEFORE 8:00 IS OFF LIMITS. If you aren't sure of their schedule chances are you are going to wake them up. And unless that is your point, my guess is, They won't be happy about it. Now, surprisingly, the above mentioned is not actually my biggest pet peeve. After being woken up this morning and not being able to go back to sleep, I thought about what my biggest phone pet peeve actually is. It all began when caller-ID came out. People would miss a call, check the caller-ID, see a number they didn't recognize, and call it back. Usually, starting with the not-so-nice response of, "I missed a call from this number, who is this?" Whoa there, buddy. Receive one too many prank calls? My thinking is, if they didn't leave message, either they dialed the wrong number or it wasn't important enough for them to need you to call them back. Does curiosity just get the best of these people? They just can't stand not knowing a number on their phone? And if that's the case, learn to answer it when someone calls. See, it doesn't bother me, not knowing a number on my caller-ID. I mean yeah, I'm curious, but I would much rather deal with the curiosity then talk to someone I really didn't want to. So, back to this morning. Yesterday, Sunday, I was looking for a sub to teach my primary class. I called 3 different people whim I have never met. Two of them didn't answer. (I called after 10, by the way.) I didn't leave a message. It wasn't important for them to call me back. So then 7:24 this morning my phone rings. I look at the number, don't recognize it, and ignore the call. If they really wanted to talk to me they would leave a message. They didn't. That's when I realized it was someone I had called yesterday. Really? You couldn't answer your phone when I needed you to, or call me back anytime yesterday. No, you wait til the rude hours if the morning to wake me up. Ugh!!! Two of my biggest pet peeves in one. I have a feeling we won't be friends in the near future. And now some of the phone etiquette pet peeves I've developed because of my job. Similar to my biggest pet peeve, when I do leave a message and they call back wondering who called from that number. Check your message!! When people have cell phones and don't check their messages so their voicemail is always full. "Due to subscribers request, this number dieis not receiving calls." What's the point of having a cell phone? When people call and when I answer they continue talking to whomever they were talking to. Leaving me saying, "hello?!" About 15 times before they remember they called. When I answer the phone with the name of our office and they ask if this is that office. I just told you it was! Pay attention! And I'm sure there are plenty more but those are what come to mind at the moment. There should be a class they make you take before you can buy a cell phone teaching people phone etiquette.

Lunch

The worst meal of the day, I say. Breakfast is always easy. Easy to make, quick to eat, etc. Dinner is always yummy. You have do many choices, eat in, eat out. And then there is lunch. The one in the middle. Can't eat it too early or you end up skipping breakfast. Can't eat it too late or you aren't hungry for dinner. You don't want to spend a lot of time preparing it or you waste the afternoon away. You have to stop what you're doing to eat, just interrupts your day. And if you're home alone going out to lunch isn't really an option. Who wants to go out to lunch alone? Not me. So you stay home and you have like 5 choices of not-so-great, easy-to-make foods. Pb & j, Mac and cheese, spaghetti-os, grilled cheese, or ramen noodles. Blah, blah,blah. Lunch sucks. I wish I could skip it without feeling hungry and ornery. And it doesn't help that even if I do want to skip it I have to make lunch for the kid. Worst meal ever. Psh, lunch needs a change.

I am Mormon

Have you ever read The Book of Mormon? Have you prayed about it, asking for yourself if it is true? If your answer is yes then you either consider yourself Mormon or you've forgotten what that felt like. If you've forgotten, I dare you to try it again. If you won't, I want a good reason. If your answer to the first two questions is no, I dare you to try. If you do you will really see and feel why our religion believes what we do. And if you won't then I say get your facts straight. Don't tell me how bad ice cream tastes until you taste it. Don't tell me what's wrong with chocolate covered bacon until you try it. Don't judge me before you get to know me. With all the "Mormon" things in the media I am just going crazy. Not because they are saying bad things but because they are so niave about it. I constantly find myself saying, "duh" and "really?" Because it really blows my mind what people can come up with. We Mormons, as a people, aren't perfect. No one, no matter the religion is. But I believe The Book of Mormon is the truest book I have ever read. I believe Joseph Smith was a true prophet. And by reading The Book of Mormon you will be testified of that. I believe in latter-day prophets and revelation. Why wouldn't God be helping us in present times? The Bible happened a long time ago. Things have changed quite a bit since then. We drive cars and have computers and about aillion other things are different from those times. However, our religion is still closest to how religion was practiced then. Prophets, apostles, baptism, temple work, and so much more. Not only does all the negativity drive me crazy but it also strengthens my testimony. Why would Satan/evil be trying so hard to anger people about religion if it weren't true? What would he care? Why would people be so worried about it? And yet, after all this effort to destruct our religion, look at how many new members we have each year. And look how happy we still are. Look how kind we still are. How is any of that evil? So, please, all I ask is that until you have the facts and try it for yourself, be careful what you say. Otherwise, you'll end up looking pretty silly. I have never (that I can honestly recall) said something mean about another religion. What is there to say about it? If that is what they truly believe who am I to say they are wrong? And until I try it for myself who am I to say it is right or wrong? Shouldn't that be considered in every religion? And in every person?

That's so ANNOYING!!

Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

1. Hypocrites
2. TV
3. People who don't signal when driving
4. When people get in my "bubble"
5. People who stop in the middle of the isle when shopping
6. Liars
7. Serious grammatical errors on Facebook
8. Inconsiderate people
9. People who drive under the speed limit
10. When people cough or sneeze without covering their mouth.

Under the Influence

List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

Ten is a lot. I'm having a hard time thinking of one. So I guess we will see how many I can cone up with.

1. Jennifer, my best friend. Friends can always influence you, for good or bad. Lucky for me she is the good kind of influence.

2. Kay, used to be my boss. She was also considered my "other mother". She taught me a lot and was a perfect example that you can handle anything.

3. Mrs. Bakke, my first grade teacher. She made me want to be a teacher and taught me to love learning.

4. Mrs. Whithy, my sixth grade teacher. Helped me see the best in myself and made me want to teach even more.

5. TV moms. No one in specific but I admire the moms with 5 or more kids who have happy lives and happy kids.

6. My mom. She has inspired just about everything in my life. From how I want to be a mom to doing wedding flowers. My mom is always there for me.

7. My mother-in-law. Working with her I have learned a lot about my husbands family and the trials she has over come along with all of her accomplishments. She is a wonderful woman and I'm lucky to have her as a mother-in-law.

8. Kyler. He inspires me to be a better mom everyday.

9. And now I realize somehow I changed to the word inspires half way through. Oh, well, they are almost the same. However, that is all I can think of so there we go, haha.

Passion

What are 5 passions you have?

1. Weddings. I want to be a wedding planner so naturally I'm passionate about it. I'm always looking for ideas and taking notes so I can hopefully help people have their dream wedding without going broke or getting super stressed out.

2. Children. Not only raising mine but hoping every child can be happy and safe. I love kids and can't stand parents who abuse or disrespect their children. I want to be the best parent I know how, not perfect, because no parent is perfect but I will try my very hardest. I want my children to know they are loved and respected and that I will keep them safe and comfortable. That I can be trusted and won't hurt their feelings and that they matter. They are important.

3. On that note, Russian orphans. To anyone who doesn't know me well this may seem really weird. Why Russia? I get asked that a lot. And my answer is I don't really know. I know the idea came from a tv documentary I watched when I was probably 12. I know that it is something I had to see. Somehow I just know that my life and a Russian orphans life are connected. I plan to adopt from Russia. I don't know when and I don't know how. Adopting is expensive, in general, adopting from another country is Super expensive. Adopting from another country is a long difficult process, adopting from Russia is a long, difficult, frustrating process. But I have faith. I know its something I have to, need to, and will do...eventually. I cannot save every orphan child, but I know I can at least help one have a better life. Considering this is such a strong passion of mine I'm sure you'll here more on this later. So that's all I'll say for now.

4. Purple. I love the color purple. If I could, I would have a purple house with silver and black accents. I would have purple hair and wear something purple everyday. I don't know what it is but I have always loved purple. Purple only has 1 flaw. Grape. Grape flavor is purple. Yucky. I do not like anything grape flavored. It all tastes like medicine to me. Other than that, color me purple!

5. Art. I will always be an artist at heart. I'm too much like my mom I guess. I love jist about anything art related. I like to paint, in all mediums, draw, color, build, scrapbook, sculpt, everything. I wish I had more time, energy, and space for art. It's hard with a kid, and a life. I may not be great at what I do but it will always be a passion of mine.

Dream, dream, dream..****

What is your dream job, and why?

My dream job is to be a wedding planner. Why? Because I love weddings and everything that goes into them. I love planning and setting up and making things and doing flowers. I love how versatile they are and how there are so many ideas that can go into a wedding. My dream is to have my own business. My own office space with a waiting room in the front, pictures and books with lots of ideas. My office in the back with a big, beautiful desk. The very back would be split in half. Half would be storage for all my decor, and I'm sure there would be a storage shed out back packed full as well. The other half would be a flower cooler and a table for my mom to do flowers. That is my dream. And maybe, if I work hard enough and push myself enough I will actually get there. Maybe. Someday.

Other dream jobs I would like would be teaching, although lately I think not so much. And something to do with psychology. I wanted to be a child psychologist in high school but the doctorate degree scared me off. I just love psychology.

...***....Life....***...

What's the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Ugh. I'm really not sure. Sure, there are lots of hard things everyone has to experience but its hard to see it in your own life because its just life for you.
Some things that come to mind:
Talking to people. I hate confrontation so sometimes taking to people is really hard for me. I also tend to be shy so I get anxiety talking to some people.

Disappointing people. That goes with the one above, sometimes I just have to accept that I am important too.

Choosing between my parents. I know they try really hard to not make me do that but sometimes it just happens. And it is hard and I don't like it.

Making decisions in general. Really hard for me to do because I worry about consequences.

Sadly, the only real life experience that comes to mind is a previous relationship. Putting someone through Marine boot camp is not a fun experience. Long distance relationships are hard enough but then you have all the baggage with marine life and all the emotions that follow. And for that reason Jake is forbidden to join any military, ever. I refuse to do that again.

hApPy ThInGs~

List the 5 things that make you most happy right now.

1. Kyler. He tops the list. He can always make me smile when I am sad. He is so entertaining and loves me so much. Sometimes I could just cry when he just comes over and gives me a kiss or hug or snuggles up next to me. Yes, sometimes he frustrates me, but I really can't complain. He is just my favorite thing. I never knew I could love somebodyso much and that he could make me so happy. The day he was born was the best day of my life. As crazy as it may seem, sometimes I wish I could relive it all over again, pain and all.

2. Work. Yep, I actually love my job. The worst thing about it is being away from kyler. I love what I do and who I work with and the things I learn. It is just a fun environment. Even if the phone makes me crazy sometimes and people yell at me. I still love it. I love all the cute kids that come in and I love working with my mother-in law and learning things about my husband that he probably wouldn't ever tell me.

3. Music. I have always loved music. It has so much feeling and emotion for me. I can relive things and remember things when I listen to music. I can imagine and dream and relax. I can dance to it and sing to it and it just makes me so happy. There is always a new song that I love and it makes connections with friends.

4. My phone. Anyone who knows me knows I need to give my phone credit. It is pretty much my life. I don't have a computer so I use my phone for everything. Text. Music. Games. Camera. Internet. Notes. Everything. I'm pretty sure I would be really lost in life if I ever lost my phone.

5. Jennifer. My best friend. She always knows what to say and how to make me smile. we have been best friend for a very long time. We have a lot of inside jokes and memories. She's just great in every way. I'm very glad that she got a new job and is happier now so she isn't moving away yet. I don't know what I would do without her. She has been there for all the great parts of my life, my marriage, kyler, everything. I love you, Bird, even if you never read my blog.